Why I hate Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, ft. Inky
Fear: I must say, this annoyance of mine is largely [Alice in Wonderland]
Fear: Because they DID IT ON FUCKIN PURPOSE
Fear: You know, Jonny Depp as the Mad Hatter
Fear: And the whole TENSION THING with Alice
Inky: I hated that
Inky: because they HINTED at it
Inky: and then for NO REASON she just goes back
Fear: I dislike that it was there at all
Inky: to the boring-ass real world where she has no friends and no real prospects and no adventure.
Fear: Because it fucks the canon, ruins what the hatter originally was and stood for
Inky: Like, why put it in at all if it amounts to nothing and makes no sense?
Fear: It's like OH HUR DUR I AM THE HATTER
Fear: I AM ONLY MAD BECAUSE OF *DARK TRAUMA IN MY PAST*
Fear: BOO HOO HOO
Fear: NO WAIT YOU DIPSHIT THIS IS ALICE IN WONDERLAND
Inky: WHY CAN'T HE JUST BE MAD GORRAMMIT
Fear: YOU'RE THE *MAD HATTER* YOU ABSOLUTE WANKER
Fear: And they just turned the March Hare into a bit of incoherant CGI
Fear: IT'S OKAY GUYS, DON'T WORRY THAT WE TOTALLY BORKED UP THE ENTIRE THING OF THE MAD HATTER AND MARCH HARE BEING ONE AND THE SAME AND BOTH AS USELESS TO ALICE AS THE OTHER
Fear: WE DECIDED A MORE LEGIT THING TO DO WOULD BE TO MAKE THE MARCH HARE AN INSIGNIFICANT BLIP OF ANIMATION WITH NO CHARACTER WHOSE ONLY SIGNIFICANT LINE IS 'SPOON'
Inky: yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah he's not really mad in SyFy's Alice either, but then again, the only one who is really "mad" is The White Knight
Fear: AND THE HATTER CAN BE LIKE ALICE'S FRIEND AND LOVE INTEREST AND GUIDE AND HE CAN HAVE A DARK PAST AND SHIT
Fear: No, Tim Burton, just NO
Fear: It could've been SO AWESOME
Inky: It could have.
Inky: Why is it that if they really wanted a romance he couldn't have just been mad
Inky: how is madness and romance mutually exclusive huh
Fear: But instead we got a shitty rip off of American McGee's alice with a load of famous names as VA and more character in the costumes than the acting
Fear: Fuckin' hollywood
Fear: Because it's not cash to show characters that aren't clearly heroes
Fear: The entire sodding POINT in Alice in Wonderland is that NO ONE HELPS HER
Fear: Because they're all fucking nutters
Fear: the only morally ambigous character in the movie was the cheshire cat
Fear: Which is one of the only good aspects of it
Fear: They got the Chesire Cat right
Fear: But the rest was all wrong
Fear: The Hatter ESPECIALLY
Fear: And as much as I hate to say it
Fear: The Catterpillar
Inky: *thoroughly enjoying this*
Fear: I love Alan Rickman, yo
Inky: oh yes
Fear: But that Catterpillar was AWFUL
Inky: it's not the actors' faults the movie was shit
Fear: He was like some mildly rude high prophet
Fear: He was all OH LOOK THE FUCK AT ME
Fear: I AM MYSTEROUS AND SAY WHAT I MEAN AND MEAN WHAT I SAY
Fear: LOOK THE FUCK AT ME
Fear: LETS BRING OUT THE PROPHECY
Fear: BECAUSE WHAT WONDERLAND, THE REPRESENTATION OF THE CHILD'S IMAGINATION, REALLY NEEDS
Fear: IS A PROPHECY THAT DICTATES EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS ON EVERY SINGLE DAY
Fear: WHAT'S THAT NOISE. NO, DON'T WORRY. JUST CARROL TURNING IN HIS GRAVE.
Fear: DANNY ELFMAN CAN COMPOSE OVER THAT
Inky: I love youuuuu
Inky: i'd comment but it's like you're doing a far better job than I could ever hope for.
Arwen Woods: XD
Fear: I just had to stop to get my rice pudding
Inky: SyFy's Alice I had my doubts about
Fear: I don't mind modernisations and remakes and new versions
Inky: but if you take it like what it is - something with wonderful draws on the original story but with a completely different spin - it's really good
Inky: plus the characters are awesome
Inky: and the actors are really good
Fear: I mean the ideas are all great
Inky: and it's just REALLY creative.
Fear: But it's like, don't try to SELL something as something it's not
Inky: Tim burton's Alice...
Inky: was a ripoff in all these different ways
Inky: none of them good.
Inky: Oh let's pull from American McGee and make it creepy!
Inky: BUT we also want it to be wacky!
Inky: AND THERE'S A PROPHECY!
Justaco Briner: THE FUTTERWHACKEN
Inky: They wanted this middle ground because they couldn't pick what they wanted the fucking movie's tone to be
Fear: DON'T GET ME FUCKING STARTED
Fear: ON THAT DANCE
Justaco Briner: Bahahahaha
Fear: OH GOD
Inky: But ultimately it just made it lukewarm and extremely subpar
Justaco Briner: I haven't seen any of that movie but that dance.
Fear: IT'S LIKE THEY SAT DOWN
Fear: AND WERE LIKE
Justaco Briner: But I cried enough to not want to have any part of it.
Fear: WHAT GOES REALLY WELL WITH ORCHESTRAL MUSIC, OLD FASHIONED THEMES, VICTORIAN SETTINGS, AND FANTASY
Fear: I KNOW. TECHNO MUSIC.
Justaco Briner: Johnny Depp's gotta get out of Tim Burton's grasp again.
Fear: Then the SFX department came down and they were like HEY MR. BURTON WE'VE STILL GOT A WHOLE AFTERNOON OF WORK TO DO BUT WE'VE FINISHED EVERYTHING ELSE
Fear: And he was like HERE IS JONNY DEPP DANCING
Fear: DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO IT
Fear: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK MAN I AM TIM BURTON
Inky: And then at the end
Inky: when she's like
Inky: LOOKIT ME I'm A MODERN WOMAN STANDING UP TO VICTORIAN SOCIETY
Fear: Oh GOD
Inky: DON'T YOU LOVE HOW TOTALLY WELL THIS WOULD GO IRL
Justaco Briner: Bahahaha
Fear: I KNOW
Fear: I WAS ABOUT TO SAY THAT
Inky: "AND ONE MORE THING"
Inky: *RETARD DANCE*
Fear: LOOK AT ME I AM STANDING UP AND GOING TO FORGE MY WAY IN THE WORLD
Fear: I AM GOING TO BE A SUCESSFUL PARTNER IN A HUGE TRADING BUSINESS
Inky: And then her life becomes a tale of woe as she discovers NO ONE FUCKING WANTS TO DO BUSINESS WITH WOMEN
Fear: OH WAIT SHIT NO I AM IN THE 1800s
Inky: AND EVERYONE THINKS SHE IS RIDICULOUS
Fear: PEOPLE THINK THAT I AM THE PROPERTY OF MY HUSBAND
Inky: AND REALLY THERE WAS NO REASON FOR HER TO LEAVE WONDERLAND AT ALL.
Fear: So true
Fear: Oh oh oh
Fear: AND THE WHOLE GIVING ALL THE CHARACTERS NEW NAMES
Fear: WHY, TIM BURTON?
Fear: IT CAN'T BE TO MAKE IT EASIER TO UNDERSTAND
Fear: BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THESE CHARACTERS
Inky: TARRANT HIGHTOPP
Fear: IN FACT, IT IS MORE CONFUSING
Inky: Tim Burton: Oh yeah. Tarrant Hightopp. I'm clever as FUCK.
Fear: PEOPLE, SHIT, THEY'RE GONNA THINK I'M SO ORIGINAL
Fear: Oh shit NO, Tim Burton
Fear: That doesn't make FUCK ALL SENSE
Fear: What the hell does UNDER-LAND mean
Inky: "You were such a silly child, calling it WONDERland, like THAT makes sense"
Fear: IS IT UNDERGROUND, TIM
Fear: IS THAT IT
Inky: "So why is it called Underland then, huh?"
Inky: "WELL FUCK IF WE KNOW"
Fear: And it's like TIM, TIM, THIS IS NOT WORKING
Fear: YOU CAN'T MAKE IT 'CRAZY AND RANDOM' BY JUST NAMING SHIT DIFFERENT STUFF